Columns - Battle of the SexesThe battle of the sexes has been raging since the beginning of time and in that time, neither side has come any closer to understanding what makes the other tick. Money? Love? Or is it just plain old stubbornness that keeps them from finally deciding a victor. To help figure this out, two extremely opinionated journalists sat down and hashed out three of the greatest mysteries of all-time. One thing’s for sure, good game is about to be told, so prick your ears because here comes one hell of a racket.

Myth One: Men who cheat are looked upon more favorably than women who do.

La’Juanda: It is almost as if the woman is groomed to expect a man to cheat. I want you to think about this concept for a second. From birth many girls are taught that boys are bad and only want to get between your legs. That ideology transfers over to adulthood, thus causing us to expect to be cheated on. Why? It is simple. Men are weak beings who need to spread themselves. It is in their DNA to cheat. These are some of the concepts we are taught and have seen it practiced over and over again. The thought that a man being 100% faithful is laughable to some women. It also is accepted in society for a man to have several women and run through them like Reggie Bush through the backfield. He has “player” or “pimp” status and therefore needs to brand that on every girl he sees’ backside. We hear it in the music and pop culture. (Recites Yung Berg’s “Sexy Lady” lyrics) This is not to say that some women don’t cheat or have doggish ways. I realize we are living in a new age and the power of the “P” has been fully realized. What I am simply saying is that — based upon these ideologies that are being pushed through society — a woman is more likely to forgive a cheating man than vice versa. On the contrary, if a woman cheats on her man, then she is seen as used rubbish fit for a backroom knock off. She has been tarnished and can never be forgiven. He is unable to look at her in the same light he once did. She is not pure or wholesome any longer. She is now a whore; excuse me, a “ho.” Women are not supposed to cheat. If they do then they are not supposed to get caught. Bottom line.

CZA: Really and truly, I think cheating is lame no matter what sex does it. It just comes down to the most basic of necessities: some women need for a man to be there, even more so if that man is the father of her child; or stacks that cheese. The idea that men need to conquer something or someone new isn’t new. Back in the history books, most of the guys that were about something had more than one courtesan, or as I like to call them, concubine. (Doesn’t that just sound “pimpish”?) I’m not saying that’s the best way to do it, but if he’s the breadwinner and he’s going outside the relationship for something, you might need to re-evaluate what you’re doing for him. As for whether men cheating on women is any more or less sinful than that of their counterpart; if you depend on that other person financially, you might just want to turn a blind eye because chances are, you can be replaced. (To my fellas, please, please, PLEASE get a prenuptial before you marry; Paul McCartney is paying out the ass now because he didn’t. $49 million? Get the hell outta here.)

Myth Two: It is more accepted in society for a man to have several children than their counterpart.

CZA: If I see a chick with two or three kids beating their feet or hopping on the bus, the first thing I think is “Naw, son. That ain’t poppin’ over here, B.” She could be the sweetest, most loyal woman in the world, but her predicament just screams “Poor Judgment!” Especially if she’s in the 23-28 range, I mean, that’s when a chick is finishing up school and preparing to get out in the working world on her own. Call it selfish, but I can’t be pulling a Kanye and “taking all they bad asses to Showbiz.” No guy I’ve ever met or hopefully ever will would want to jump into a situation like that because there are too many variables that you simply can’t control like the baby daddies, the welfare situation (I can’t imagine a chick asking me to run to the store for her to get some pampers and formula then asking me to pay for it with her EBT food stamp card) or being looked upon as a father figure. Guys on the other hand have that Alpha male thing going for them that makes them desirable even though they have kids. Sometimes even more so because women can then envision them with HER kids. Big shouts to my single dads out there. Get your “Full House” on! Just don’t go overboard with your simpin’.

La’ Juanda: I am not saying that a man won’t date a woman with several kids. I am saying that some will be less likely to take her seriously and wife her up. She is used. On the contrary, a man with several kids can still find a good woman and she will stick with him. Why would she do such a thing! It is simple. In today’s society, it is more accepted for a man to have several kids because he is a man and he is expected to have some whorish ways. This goes back to number one. Also, in many cases the children live with the women, so the men she dates has to accept her and her kids up front in his face, while the women who dates a man with several kids might not have to face the children because many kids live with the mother. She might only have to be bothered with her man’s kids on weekend daddy visits. She could opt to stay home that weekend also. I would. I have even heard some women express a theory that men with several kids have “daddy dick.” What this translates into is good sex. Ladies, this is a myth. Trust me.

For some women, a guy with several kids may also inspire them to take him seriously because they can envision him with her kids. I say hell no. The truth is that most guys with a gang of kids aren’t taking care of them very well because… There are too damn many of them for him to successfully care for financially! My advice is don’t do it sistas. When I date a guy with several kids, I make it a point to not take him too seriously. He is a liability and you will never be number one to him because you fall behind his kids and his baby mom (BM) or mommas. The most he may be good for is taking you out. Even then watch out because dates will be cancelled because his BM needs him to go to the store for milk and pampers. I’m straight. If for some reason you do decide to date him then be weary. He comes with drama. Baby mama drama. Unfortunately for us women the men keep more drama from their baby moms than we do from our baby dads. That is usually because the guy may still be sexing his BM up or she just does not want to let go. If you do decide to date a guy with several kids then don’t take him seriously. Use it for what it is worth and keep it moving. Unless you don’t mind playing step mom.

Myth Three: Men + sport = perfect time to talk about feelings.

La’ Juanda: Many women may suddenly feel the need for a burst of their man’s attention when he is watching a football game. One of the reasons why women do this is because they could care less about football. They don’t care that you are watching it. They want your attention right then. They want to know that they are more important than the football or basketball game because in their mind they feel they are. In all actuality, they might be, but the man is so focused on the game that whatever she is saying at the moment lacks importance. He wants her to shut up. Basically she wants his attention because she does not care about what he is watching and feels that it lacks importance in comparison to her. I have learned that for the most part, it is okay to fall back while your guy is watching the game or entertaining his friends. HOWEVER, if for some reason I want your attention about something or need to ask you a question, then I do not want to hear your sassy mouth or even sense any attitude about it. Just shut up and see what I want. Ladies, we have all been there. Your man is watching a football game and he is so intense about it you would think that Jesus himself with the 12 disciples are playing. You ask him a simple question like… “Baby, are we still going to the movies tomorrow?” You get so much attitude from him that you would think he is on HIS period. Get over it dude! The game is not going anywhere. But I might! Besides in the big scheme of things I am more important than the game. So be easy and just answer my question. What if we reacted that way every time you were trying to get some ass? You come and rub on us and we just fall out on the floor like “Damn! Can’t you see I’m busy doing my hair! Beat it! Scram!” You would want sexual attention and we just wanted regular attention. I say the next time your guy gives you attitude while you are trying to hold a quick convo with him while the game is on, get on the phone with another guy. It could be any guy. That’s right. Just pick up your cell and say something like “Oh tonight? You say you wanna kiss me where baby? Sure I’m not busy.”

CZA: Damn…errum, yeah I feel you La’Juanda, but just… damn. Okay, cardinal rule for my ladies out there who don’t want their men, A) seeking attention elsewhere or B) don’t want to get cussed out. DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT interrupt your guy when he’s watching a sporting event. Or playing PS3. Doing that can get you broken off (if that’s what you’re looking for… you freaks!) but chances are you’ll be told unceremoniously that you could be better using that time to make something to eat. I notice that dating couples and newlyweds have this problem way more than old married ones do because this simple edict isn’t yet etched in stone: the TV IS more important than you are at that moment and not only is it rude to interfere with the natural bonding of the males, but it reflects badly on the male. Ladies, you don’t want your guy to be the butt of various pimp hand jokes, do you? If you don’t believe me, do it and then walk out of eyesight and listen. I promise you that if the boys are over, someone is going to say something in the tone of “Man, you need to check that bitch!” or “She is hella out of pocket right now homie.” It’s embarrassing for him and he’s probably going to think about that the next time he peruses his little black book. By the way, I must give a shout out to the majority of the white moms out there because they have ingrained that very notion into their daughters head for many, many generations and the end result is a well rounded woman who is a model citizen in public, a hellcat in the bedroom and a damn fine waitress on Super Bowl Sunday. You’re all welcome.

That’s it. This lil’ tidbit should polish your Gucci shades, sweeten your tea and get your mind correct. Maybe men and women just are on a couple different wavelengths and may never get right. What do you think?