Mumbo Jumbo: Hip-Hop & Comedy; Sonia The Tranny

Wednesday - November 14, 2007
By: Joe King

I was watching a throwback "Def Comedy Jam" DVD, hosted by Martin Lawrence, with features from Chris Tucker and Bernie Mack (definitely a classic). Regularly, with many African American comics, women are often used as the brunt of jokes and refer to as sexual objects or bothersome creatures interfering with "guy time" or watching Monday night football.

If you think about it, hip-hop music and videos portray the same type of characteristics in women as the comics do. It's actually really cool to go back to old skits and shows and remember how Martin Lawrence started the whole "you so crazy" thing and dozens of rappers have referenced lines from that stand-up, amongst many, in their raps.

Jay-Z is one of the main rappers that infuses a lot of comedy lines into his raps, which I have always thought to be cool cause Hov was always that dude that you could listen to joints over and over again and pick up new things every time. I'm a strategist, so I like putting things together. It makes me feel like I've accomplished something and understood the lyrics as the artist intended them to be perceived.

On the Mya featuring Jay-Z "Best of Me (Remix)" - "Tell stout to holla at me mannnnnnn" (same way as Smokey in "Friday")

Chris Tucker as Smokey: "And you know this mannnn"

Jay-Z "Friend or Foe": "Don't ever, ever, ever come round here no more." Chris Tucker used this line in "Friday" when the big boned version of Janet Jackson showed up at Craig's house.

Rappers that have used: "Your royal penis is clean, your Highness."

Ludacris: "Coming to America," Fat Joe: "Get Up"

From Martin's You So Crazy

Ludacris used the line "rub lotion, all over your body" on the "What Means the World To You (Remix)"

Ludacris also used the line from Austin Powers: "Yeahhhh baby, heh heh, yeahh!" "In court I never show up, like Austin Powers fa-zha"

Okay, that's enough for now, but next time you watch a stand up of Eddie Murphy, Richard Pryor, Steve Harvey and others alike, keep your antennas up and try and figure out which rappers were influenced by them.

YOUR THIRD EYE IS PLAYIN TRICKS ON YOU

To all you myspace romantics out there, I know it might seem easier to find chicks online, but can we not forget how deceiving the eye can be. Now I got an email from a gentlemen in Connecticut named Biz. Biz is a producer and occasionally will send me some music for review. Just recently Biz told me that he met up with a female singer from New Jersey who had been hitting him shamelessly on MySpace asking for beats. Biz checked her out. He told me that initially he thought she was hot from her MySpace page and her convo was definitely hotter! Although her music was mediocre, we just wouldn't be men if we passed up on an opportunity to take a broad down with the trigger crotch (quick to pop off, lol).

Biz invited her to the studio. He said when she got there something was off, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Biz continued to say that she was being super flirtatious and dropping names of rappers and producers that she's worked with in the game. Check this chick out. Not bad right? Plus, he said how she was wearing the wild stripper outfit with all kinds of zippers and ties obviously constructed for easy access. She started telling Biz about her past experience in the game and continued on to say she not only worked with super producer Just Blaze, but made out with him on various occasions. She also said she was at a label executive's house, "hanging" out with him. She went on to talk about her record with Capone from C-N-N and proceeded to play it.

Download Flash

"Pushing Up On Me" - Sonia Diaz ft. Capone (press play to hear the track)

Biz was confused by her name dropping and eagerness to tell him her business. Was she telling him this to up her sexiness and appeal, so that he could no longer stand it and ravage her in the studio? Or to stamp her credibility as an artist? Either way, Biz wasn't feeling it. Her music was not strong enough to take a serious interest and there was something about the way she walked that just wasn't right. Biz being the man of inquisition that he is, decided that he had to figure out the mystery behind this woman. While the songstress was hanging out, Biz had some of his girlfriends come through and analyze the situation. About 30 seconds passed and the girls were on to something, BIG! This broad sitting in the studio was a dude!!! After his friends discretely disclosed the fact that this chick had a dick, Biz was disgusted and outraged! He charged back in there and asked if there was anything that she (he) wanted to tell him, and when she pretended to act confused about his inquiry, he blurted it out! He asked the she-man if in fact he was a dude and the response was "not anymore" and continued to tell him about his "hormone therapy" and how it's been working "wonders." LOL. Wonders alright. The 8th wonder of the world.

Anyway, it's a scary world kids. Look before you leap! What's crazy is that this chick named drop and was specific! The label executive has a wife and kids. I don't see him skeeting off with a cross dresser, but who knows? How terrible is the track with her and Capone? I heard Capone has herpes, so he doesn't have too much lose at this point but his penis. Can they rot off? LOL.

Okay now some for some Jack Rabbits aka "quickies"

- The streets are saying that Jim Jones is in trouble with the law for assualting someone and has been arrested as a result (more to come on this)

- For all of you that don't know, that's not Ciara with her ass out posing with a brown thong on while mounted on 50 Cent in the inside cover of Curtis. It's not. I guess I'm the only one that was deceived? There I go trusting my eyes again. Don't want to do a "Sonia." That chick is fine though. Ass is perfect! It's amazing how much they look alike though. I'd take the generic over name-brand anyday!

- Misfit from VH1's "(White) Rapper Show" seems to be the only one doing big things these days. Actually, Persia's still the biggest thing (LOL), but the UK blonde bombshell has been seen with a white boy! On the show, you might remember her as the flirtatious chick with fake tits and short shorts. I was all over it. I stopped watching after she got the boot. Anyway, she was infatuated with Juelz Santana and said that she like those type of dudes. Guess she's had a change of heart because this tatted up British babe has been connected with Kid Rock!!! Damnit, I thought we were winning with "once you go black you never go back." Looks like we lost one. I know all the black women are like "yes, one down" (LOL) Joking. Love my black ladies! Come over here and gimme kiss! Pamela got replaced with a new and improved version, minus the hepatitis C.

- Kanye West's mother passed away on Saturday from a routine tummy tuck (see "Kanye West's Mom Dies Following 'Cosmetic Procedure?'") and now there's talk about possible medical malpractice. I heard she was told the procedure would be risky, but she proceeded with it anyway. RIP. That sucks to lose a parent.

- Alicia Keys had a concert in NYC Tuesday night (November 13) and was looking fabulous! I really hope she's not a lezbot. That would be such an injustice.

- Jay-Z preformed as well Tuesday night in Harlem at the Apollo for the Power 105.1 concert. Then DJ Clue did the after party at Retox. I heard Clue is Jigga's biggest fan and can recite almost every Jay-Z verse. Now that's what I call "My Buddy." He's about that size too. I also heard Lebron was in building, wearing his ROC chain. And he was worse then Clue because they actually gave him a mic, so he could sing along! But no words came out of his mouth, he just did an Ashley Simpson. We can all bet on Jay bringin Lebron over to the Nets just as soon as the Brooklyn stadium goes up. Always thinking about building up the Dynasty. Beyonce was there of course, and she was standing the entire time! She really holds Jay down even when he's out carousing with mixed exotic dancers! Nas, Beans, Bleek and Puffy were also in attendance. Ha! They're still dissing AMIL though! Leave the poor girl alone, isn't it enough that she's selling Rocawear at the Herald's Square Macy's? LOL. Joking. "Amillion! Gone!" Shouts to sexy-ass Sasha for the play by play. Gimme kiss, ma! lol

- There's a listening party at Quad studios in New York Wednesday (November 14) for Beanie Sigel. He came out with a single with R. Kelly. Did anyone hear it? Check it out. Not his greatest work and I'm shocked that Jigga signed off on the R. Kelly feature.

- Ghostface album coming soon!

- Hi-Tek is working on Dr. Dre's Detox album.

RANDOM MADNESS

I'm really excited about the Boston Celtics and the Denver Nuggets this year. Finally, Boston has become a serious competitor in almost every sport. Yank fans (skip over this part because I know the wound is still very new), but after the Red Sox took the pennant, Boston fans are really on some real cocky sh--! But watching a team like the Celtics, who have pretty much sucked since the Knicks were good, will be quite interesting. I'm not used to the Green and Whites being a winning team. Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen and Paul Pierce sound like a strong force to me. Oh, and the Nuggets too! Allen Iverson, Kenyon Martin and Carmelo Anthony are dangerous and I think that this year, with Martin healthy, the Nuggets will do bigger things.

CHEW ON THIS: Ok, I'm going to give you a short one today because I realize that the RICO law topic from Monday (see "Mumbo Jumbo: Introducing Rants & Opinions By Joe King") is quite a lot to digest in one sitting. It's even deeper then that which is the scary thing! So many details and loopholes. But this week, I want you money hungry hustlers to know that all 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5.00 bill. All about the Lincolns, baby!

THE MEAT MARKET IS OPEN
MATH CLASS 101: PART TWO MATH V. IRON SOLOMON (SMACK DVD)

Who won this round?

Feel free to bicker amongst each other and if you'd like to send me a question, comment, death threat or any sort of sexual proposals (no-homo please) get at me: joekingly@gmail.com

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