Published: Tuesday - July 10, 2007
Words by PalmsOut.com
I found myself indulging in a hater moment recently on the train, and said to self, "Self, why don't you air out these grievances so you can possibly make the world somewhat of a more tolerable place?" Therefore, with the help of Cambridge, we bring to you, Tips 4 Transit (pt 1., as more hater moments are no doubt inevitable).
1. You remember what your kindergarten teacher said about either bringing enough for the class or bringing nothing at all? While your teacher was probably referring to candy, in terms of transit, I would like to extend this to include food of any variety, particularly those with pungent aromas (i.e. Mickey D's, Chinese food, etc...) One, if you've seen just how "clean" the NYC subway system is, you should know it's tacky as all hell. Two, I think of I am made to feel self conscious about eating w/ the proliferation of homeless folk in and on the subway, then damnit you should too.
2. For bus riders in particular, I for one am not in the slightest interested in overhearing half of a conversation. If I'm hearing you, that means I want to be lazy and not do any reading and at most am inclined to do only very minimal, shallow thinking. Your phone conversation demands too much imagination on my part, leaving me to fill in the blanks of what the person on the other end of your Razr is saying. Frankly, publicphonetalker, you're asking too much of me. Now a real life, two person convo on the bus? By all means engage! Shit, I might even switch seats to get closer and pop some popcorn while you entertain me. Now dance, minion.
And don't think I'm a nosy bastard, you know you eavesdrop too.
3. Son, do you need to let your ENTIRE wack ringtone play out before you answer your phone? Furthermore, do you need to hear that whole Yung Joc song yet again, out loud, and at the expense of jillions of brain cells, before you decide to buy it?
Unless you have high top fade and carry an obnoxious boombox so frequently that people have started to call you Radio Raheem, please put the music for your ears, in your ears (and yours alone).
4. Everyone in front of you is getting off at this train stop as well, so the not so subtle passive aggressive shove you're giving me right now isn't really helping matters.
5. That rule stated in number one also applies to your girl. Unless you want a line to start forming, quit necking with your girlie in the corner seat.
6. Yes, you're walking on an extremely busy block with countless amounts of people in front of you, and even more behind you. Of course it makes sense to stop suddenly and abruptly! Why don't you apply to MIT since we're all now just standing here genius. Don't worry, I'll wait.
7. Leaning over and peering down the block or train tunnel, unless of course you have the mental powers of Professor Charles Xavier, will ultimately not make the bus or train come any faster son. Rasta McPasta the bus driver is gonna take as long as he wants to finish eating his curry chicken roti and take his seven and a half minute nap before beginning his route. So check the schedule all you want fam, but the bus is gon' get there when it get there.
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