Gritz N' Gravy: From Bow Wow To Hercules: Hip-Hop In 2007
Published: Monday - April 30, 2007
Words by Gritz
It seems that 2007 is going to be an annus horriblus for hip-hop, in the same way that 2001 was an "anus horriblus" for Bow Wow. Ever since Nas declared the genre dead, things have not been going particularly well, mostly because that statement has thrown everything that happens in hip-hop into such drastic relief. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy befitting of a man who named himself after a suspect soothsayer. Instead if letting trends live out their lifespan naturally, everything now acquires a tacit relevancy in the discussion of hip-hop, as if every snap song or Lil Wayne verse that drops has to be either the "nail in the coffin" or the "resurrection" of the entire culture. I am as guilty as anyone, having found myself in numerous interviews over the past few months asking everyone from Redman to Melle Mel the same question: "Do you think hip-hop is dead?"
For journalists, bloggers, and others who document hip-hop, it has become shorthand for a sort of global perspective on the culture as a whole. But the problem is, it's a ridiculous question with no reasonable answer other than, "Well, I still like it." Of course, the real intention is to get people's feelings on the current state of the scene -- what things they're into and what they think is wack. But by giving the question such unwarranted levity, we weigh down the discourse, ignore diversity, and basically place everything that comes out on an even playing field -- whether it be a Nas record or a girl bragging about how her "lip gloss is POPPIN." We are forgetting the fact that some things are just crap and don't really matter.
And this is all coming from within hip-hop, from the people who (supposedly) love the music and the culture it represents. The newsrooms of America haven't got the memo about hip-hop dying yet, but I'm sure Anderson Cooper will do a nice little segment on it when they do. And the audiences will be yelling "FEED US, FEED US, we're the rapper eaters!" because once again hip-hop has become public enemy numero one for allegedly teaching old white men phrases like "nappy-headed hoes."
The problem is that the coverage of hip-hop has been pushed to hyperbole insiders and outsiders alike, and the culture itself has become a caricature of itself in the process. Maybe it's the blog age gone wrong or political correctness gone mad, or maybe people are just acting like idiots. At any rate, let's briefly recap some of the things that have happened in the past few months:
* Camron said he would not snitch on a serial killer while appearing on "60 Minutes" in front of millions of viewers.
* 50 Cent changed the title of his forthcoming album to Curtis in response to another grown man yelling his name in a funny voice.
* Tony Yayo allegedly slapped a 14-year-old boy for wearing a tee-shirt he didn't like.
* Rev. Al Sharpton took the time to publicly support a protest march against Tony Yayo and G-Unit. I attended this protest, and without any offense to the victims, families, and people who feel strongly about this issue, I have to say that there was something slightly absurd about a grown man in stunner shades breaking copies of Get Rich and cutting up G-Unit tees while yelling, "Ban 50!"
* Oprah and her High Council respond to the Don Imus controversy by holding a round-table discussion on misogyny in hip-hop, while fashion-mogul-cum-moral-compass Russell Simmons tells rappers to stop saying the three words that he has deemed most offensive.
All of this must help to explain why MTV's new "hip-hop" sketch show, "Short Circuitz," is so terrible. (I mean, there has to be something going on if a Nick Cannon show is not hilarious). More so than ever, hip-hop is immune to parody because it is already operating on such a monumental level of absurdity. No sketch could ever match the insanity of Killa Season, the weirdness of a Weezy freestyle, or the surreal sight of 50 Cent cruising around Floyd Mayweather's Vegas home on a segway. I heard a Weezy parody online the other day that might as well have been a new Wayne freestyle, in the same way that the fake Cam rhymebook that was circulating might as well have been real.
Right now, truth is simply stranger than fiction. And that's fine until it falls into the hands of people who do not know hip-hop and make it their calling to cast it in a negative light. Cam is a joker and anyone who's used to his antics could see his trademark smirk lighting up on "60 Minutes" as he spoke to Anderson Copper. But if that's the image that gets projected to the people who already think that hip-hop is like some sort of homegrown Al Qaida cell, it's just not a good look. The press, not surprisingly, likes to prey upon what they perceive as the lowest common denominator, but hip-hop does itself no favors by keeping its own internal discourse so dumbed-down and sensational.
So is hip-hop really dead? What's the prognosis, people!? Have the past few months battered it to the point of no return?
Here is the final incision, fellow surgeons. Will it be the fatal blow, or coup de grace that resurrects rap music from the grave like some sort of Frankenstein's monster? You be the judge:
DMX has announced that he will star alongside Hercules, the world's largest dog, in a remake of the 1989 film, "Turner and Hooch." The original film featured a young Tom Hanks as Detective Scott Turner, who acquires the dog of a dead man in order to help him solve the case.
DMX told Variety that the story has been updated a bit: "Hooch was a snitch on that dude who murked his owner, but Hercules ain't no snitch. That's my dog!" When asked about how it felt to play a cop, DMX responded, "Me and Hercules, man, we're in the force, but we ain't no bitches. Herc is like Rin Tin Tin K-9 Gangsta!"
Of course, I'm joking. There will be no "Turner and Hooch" remake featuring DMX and a huge dog (unless a studio wants to hire me to write it). But the point is, I don't think anyone would be that surprised if there was.
Hip-hop is not dead and never will be. But has it become a joke?
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