Published: Monday - April 23, 2007
Words by PalmsOut.com
Jay-Z would be...Stringer Bell Damon Dash would be...Avon I guess all good things gotta come to an end, but damn, not like this. Falling into the "say it ain't so category, Jay wants to pursue more commercial business ventures while Dame, with his chew your face off style of business says, "I'm just a gangsta I suppose, but I want my corners" and maintains his street mentality.
Nas would be...Brother Muzone Gangsters with principles. Nas is definitely the calm dude with morals that has it in him to ether that ass when necessary. Operating under a multi-layered code of ethics, he's both gangsta and civil. Conscience and cutthroat. He is the personification of the complexities of the game (oh and when teamed with Omar, he's murder for everybody -- go to every station, wreck the DJ)
Will.I.Am would be...Omar Little Homo thug?? The term seems almost contradictory, don't it? But so does Backpack Pop. Somehow this little weird man with funny dance moves and ridiculous clothes makes the most ridiculously gangsta music, producing certified hits for everybody from Busta to Nas (as well as the usual pop music suspects). Yep, this is definitely the guy that'll show up to the studio in green silk pajamas and murder your track.
T.I. would be...Marlo Stanfield He looked hip-hop in the face and told us "You want it to be one way, but its the other way." And it was. Movies. #1 Album. Song of the Year. T.I took over the game last year, laying to rest just about every song, remix, and guest spot. With a viciously calculating style, T.I backed up his claim as King and even got hip-hop vets to co-sign. This guy was so hot he made songs a hit just by singing the hook. Now that's muscle.
Lil' Wayne would be...Michael Big Paws on a puppie. Weezy has all the signs of being the next king of hip-hop. Though last year may have seemed like Weezy's year, it seems like it was the year where Mr. Carter stood up and made us take notice of his growth as a rapper. We've been able to watch the makings of a star, but something tells me we're only seeing the tip of the iceberg as far as where Wayne will take the game.
Andre 3000 would be...McNulty Dre decided that he would try to change the game on us and start singing and acting and doing just about everything else except what he does best -- rap. But, slowly but surely we're seeing him return to his roots.
Lupe Fiasco would be...Lester Freamon Seems like Lupe just emerged out of the hip-hop pawn shop unit and became one of the best damn rappers on the planet. He's meticulous, thoughtful, insightful, and amazingly creative. Given a little leeway and a bit of support, Mr. Fiasco could turn the whole music world on its head and bring it back to life (or at least expose us to something other than a cazillion cadavers in the vacants we call mixtapes and albums).
Dr. Dre & Eminem would be...The Greeks The men behind the men. They got the illest product, the illest connections, and what ever they do seems to turn to gold. But they're not afraid to walk away when things don't look right. They literally washed the coke down the drain with the Detox album, and left Nick (The Game) stranded for dolo. No matter what though, you just know these guys are always gonna sell.
Shady/Aftermath would be...The Dock Workers D-12. Obie Trice. Stat Quo. These are guys you almost became familiar with, but then the season ended and you forgot they existed. Just another side of the hip-hop world that pretty much goes unnoticed till the Greeks make us aware.
Lloyd Banks would be...Cheese Nephew of the head man in charge, he's just waiting for his chance to move up the ladder, but with the empire in limbo, we have to wait to see the outcome.
East Coast Rap would be...The Barksdales "See the thing about the old days is, them the old days." Seems like Slim Charles could have been talking about the stronghold of East Coast rap more than the Baltimore Drug game. But with Prop Joe changing the face of the game (signing acts from here, there, and everywhere thus causing a serious blurring of regional sounds), what's a dope dealer with no corners to do??
BET would be...Herc Hey guy, ain't you supposed to be protecting and serving or something -- helping out with the whole upliftment of the race thing?? Seems like everything that's gone wrong with the game can in some shape or form be traced back to this one guy. We get beat upside the head all day with a slumberous routine of videos and quite unoriginal programming. There used to be a decent balance of the good and the not so good, but now that balance is weighed heavily in favor of rims, bitches, cars and guns. Oh and crack, can't forget that good old crack. BET has somehow managed to become the vision of Black America through the eyes of a fat, baldheaded white police officer.
50 Cent would be...Prop Joe After doing business with the whole world and forming a co-op by signing just about every artist out there, you would think both 50 and Prop Joe looked invincible (especially with all that good product from the Greeks), but G-Unit record sales amounted to a Prop Joe shipment robbery with the world wondering where the product was. It seems that both 50 andJoe have backed themselves into quite a corner. Can't wait to see how they get themselves outta this one.
Papoose would be...Bodie The last of the hip-hop mohicans. Like Bodie, Papoose is wise beyond his years; a throwback to the golden age of the game. He represents the last connection we have to time where soldiers respected the game as much as the money. We've watched them grow and hope they can survive the evolving landscape, but just like the show, it seems that there is no escaping the winds of change.
Jim Jones would be...Slim Charles When things get tough, a true soldier is always gonna find his way to stable ground, and Jimmy is no different. Jim Jones havin arguably the biggest rap song of 2006??? Ha! That's about as ridiculous as Slim Charles getting down with Prop Joe. Oh wait, that actually did happen, didn't it?? I guess that's what happens when you can switch your style up and go southpaw. Baaaallllliiiiiiiinnnnn. And can't you just picture Jimmy telling a headstrong Papoose that all the critical lyrical empirical shit just ain't gon' fly in today's market.
Kanye West would be...The Bunk Fly ass, womanizing, cocky muthaf%#$. If Kanye were going to work for the Baltimore PD everyday he would definitely do it Bunk style (designer clothes, drunk nights, and loose women). Yet and still, he would definitely get the job done, and let us know about it every step of the way.
Clear Channel & Emmis Communications would be...Chris & Snoop Single handedly (pardon, double handedly) killing music and shoving it in a vacant house. Nodding their heads to 'Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It' and saying "that's my shit right there", these two are quickly turning dope artists with skills into the special dead.
Snap Music would be...Bubbles He's the loveable dopehead. He's such a necessary part of the game, although in better conscience we'd probably wish he didn't exist. Just like every drug produces fiends, every genre of music produces an annoying but somewhat necessary dance form. From the whop to the running man to the harlem shake, its these ridiculous dances that help keep the game alive.
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