Get F'ed Up With Bear: White People Be [ego] Trippin'
Published: Wednesday - March 28, 2007
Words by Bear Frazer
Cast of VH1's "The (White) Rapper Show" (Photo: VH1)
I am so surprised, everyone. Honestly, I didn't think Caucasians could rap. I mean, I know there were a few who could rhyme like Vanilla Ice, Eminem, Apathy, Paul Wall, Mike Shinoda, Bubba Sparxxx, MC Serch, Haystak and El-P, but I thought that was because something weird happened to them when they were little, like saying "NO" ... to eating peas.
I guess I was led to believe that as a truth for the same reason why crackwhores enter the porn industry: if they can suck a dick for a rock, why not do it legally. Right?
Oh, I hope I didn't make a generalization because I can't stand living my life knowing I am just another statistic. But fuck it, who cares? After all, we're a community who generalizes everything around us, living with false perceptions and not really knowing shit about the world.
That's why I need to thank VH1. For so long in my worthless life, I thought only black people with guns could rap because I am a fuckin' close-minded idiot. I thought any person who was white person trying to rap was a joke. But Egotrip's "The (White) Rapper Show" proved to me that there are several Caucasians in the world who know this Shakespeare-like word play in rhythm. Just to think, white people have been successful singers for years, but they could never actually rhyme on time. I never knew white rappers truly existed. Up until now, I thought it was a fable.
I don't understand why some white people are offended by Egotrip's "The (White) Rapper Show." White people shouldn't be so sensitive. So what if white people like to smack each other around in the face with a dildo? At least it's not on the "down-low." And what's so uncommon about cleaning people's underwear with skid marks? Are we not civilized?
VH1 wanted to educate the white audience (cause they're too fuckin' stupid to learn on their own) about the origins of Hip-Hop and how white rappers are a new breed. They wanted to break the stereotype that Caucasians alike can indeed rhyme. VH1 isn't knocking the suburban kid who listens to rap though. They're just saying suburbia isn't good enough to be accepted into the culture. That's all.
Plus, if VH1 really wanted to hurt someone's feelings, then how could they make fun the white audience? Honestly, 80% of the people who purchase commercial Hip-Hop are white! Without all these crackers, Hip-Hop wouldn't be as big as it is today, you stupid pieces of white trash. You're practically running the shit and keeping black people as puppets. It's you who should feel ashamed.
But enough about these crackers with a dream.
VH1 is on the right path to breaking down negative stereotypes people place on each other and they are doing it through music. So why the fuck stop? I say let's dumbass white boys do.
That's why I propose "The (Black) Rockstar Show."
I'm tired of the stereotype that black people can't scream and that they can't sing death metal. That is totally not true. There are at least a handful of black rock singers out there like Lajon Witherspoon from Sevendust, Howard Jones from Killswitch Engage and ... uhm, that's it. I guess it is lonely at the top.
Now I've seen some hardcore bands fronted by some black lead singers and honestly, they have no idea what the fuck they are doing. Like most other shitty hardcore bands, they make useless noise. They suck more than Paris Hilton playing "Grand Theft Auto" sober.
So why don't we create "The (Black) Rock Star Show?" Come on, it could be great. We can have ten aspiring [Black] Rock Stars enter the "Black House," which will be located in South Carolina. They can walk around rural suburbia and hand out shirts to the white devils which read, "Once you go black, you start smoking crack." Then, they could sing for them on the spot, write lyrics about their adventures in elimination and the show could be hosted by a black rock icon like George Clinton.
It's another stereotype we can break and hopefully, have African-Americans accepted into the rock culture while incidentally setting their skills back.
But African-Americans aren't the only ones who are conspicuous in a genre.
That's why I propose we have another spin-off show: "The (Asian) Pop Idol Show."
This could be just as great. There are so many people who think Asians can't sing, let alone speak English, and you can find these people at the Chinese Restaurant when they speak extra loud and yell, "I SAID E-X-T-R-A R-I-C-E!"
Not the case, though. These Third-World wanderers can sing. Look at Kaila Yu and William Hung. VH1 can revive Mr. Miyagi from the dead and have him order Danielson to build a tepee in someplace real dull, like Wisconsin. Then, 10 Asian contestants can try to appeal to America. This is a solid idea. We can even have that kling-on fruitcake George Takei host it.
Now that I think about it, maybe this is something too controversial for you to handle. I guess you're not ready for this. So let's start out with something less offensive ... I mean, after all ... it's always fun to pick on fat people.
Get the point?
Your BFF, Bear.Fuckin.Frazer. "I'm no different than you."
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